Its Amazing how we all know not one of us is perfect, yet we somehow manage to harbour ideas of what 'should' or 'shouldn't' be, what the other person should or shouldn't do, what he/she Should or shouldn't think.
We have built a circle around the scope of our expectations, & everything that goes beyond that is always a shocker.
I read somewhere, that the quickest way to break your heart is by having expectations. Now while this is not completely true in my opinion, because when you love someone you cannot help but have expectations, it still has some lesson in it.
I think what is meant in the above quote is, when we have built up expectations of what should or shouldn't be, we always find it hard to cope with what actually is, eventually.
We sit down and remind ourselves that none of us is perfect, & then we start to imagine what the worst could actually be, but the problem is, it's almost never what you actually imagined.
I've heard statements like, "she shouldn't have done this or that" or "he should have done that". And while there is sometimes no excuse for those actions/words, once we become accustomed to these terms "should and shouldn't" & we begin to internalize it and not merely say it, we may tend to burrow into our hearts a depth of hurt or pain that may be difficult to heal, & a pain that makes it even difficult for us to confront the situation and talk about it in the best way.
There is nothing wrong with these words actually. Our lives are filled with what we should and should not do. To attain success, there are alot of should and shouldn'ts. So also to survive, to be happy, to grow in every sense, to avoid problems. But when relating with others, these words can also be of harm.
So rather than come up with so many ideas of what should or shouldn't be, how about we keep an open mind, & see what happens. He/she shouldn't have done this or that, but he/she did. Now what can you do about? Rather than fume, hold a grudge, or suffer in pain of hurt or betrayal...Forgive, talk about it, (You may be surprised to find that most times, there's a good explanation or it's not even what you think & even if it is). Forgive.
I know it wont always be easy. But in the end, it is for yourself first and foremost. And You are worth it.
-Fatimah Adam
We have built a circle around the scope of our expectations, & everything that goes beyond that is always a shocker.
I read somewhere, that the quickest way to break your heart is by having expectations. Now while this is not completely true in my opinion, because when you love someone you cannot help but have expectations, it still has some lesson in it.
I think what is meant in the above quote is, when we have built up expectations of what should or shouldn't be, we always find it hard to cope with what actually is, eventually.
We sit down and remind ourselves that none of us is perfect, & then we start to imagine what the worst could actually be, but the problem is, it's almost never what you actually imagined.
I've heard statements like, "she shouldn't have done this or that" or "he should have done that". And while there is sometimes no excuse for those actions/words, once we become accustomed to these terms "should and shouldn't" & we begin to internalize it and not merely say it, we may tend to burrow into our hearts a depth of hurt or pain that may be difficult to heal, & a pain that makes it even difficult for us to confront the situation and talk about it in the best way.
There is nothing wrong with these words actually. Our lives are filled with what we should and should not do. To attain success, there are alot of should and shouldn'ts. So also to survive, to be happy, to grow in every sense, to avoid problems. But when relating with others, these words can also be of harm.
So rather than come up with so many ideas of what should or shouldn't be, how about we keep an open mind, & see what happens. He/she shouldn't have done this or that, but he/she did. Now what can you do about? Rather than fume, hold a grudge, or suffer in pain of hurt or betrayal...Forgive, talk about it, (You may be surprised to find that most times, there's a good explanation or it's not even what you think & even if it is). Forgive.
I know it wont always be easy. But in the end, it is for yourself first and foremost. And You are worth it.
-Fatimah Adam